Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Day 111, The Goof Off Week

I have these periods in my life when I really just want to goof off. I slack off on all my work and just do things I like. These times don't worry me because they are always followed by periods of extreme productivity and new ideas. So I've learned not to beat myself up about these phases and just roll with them.

I'm in one this week for sure. Last week a lot of events and projects came to a close, and I knew I'd be cruising through this week, taking time to enjoy the simple things, electric guitar, One Piece, nunchaku, sunshine, blended frozen mango smoothies, just to name a few.

What's not so great about these goof off times is that I tend to not pay close attention to my diet and a lot of things slip through. Like the other day I really wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so I just made one and scarfed it down right at the kitchen counter. Peanut butter isn't bad but it's loaded with relatively empty calories. The jelly has too much sugar and the bread is just a waste of my daily carbs on fluff. It's a pretty dumb snack, all things considered. If you are mentally objecting that "there's nothing wrong with a PB&J!" then you aren't thinking like someone trying to reach or maintain Peak Condition. And that's ok, you didn't sign up for this. But we did, and so I had to just shake my head at what I ate.

And today I ate an entire pack of udon. I wasn't even hungry, but I had some extra dashii and the noodles were just sitting there so I threw them in the bowl and ate them while reading The New Yorker online. Again, the problem was my lack of mindfulness and mental laziness. Tonight I had an intense low blood sugar crash after spiking my system with all that glucose from the udon. I felt terrible, worse than I ever had on this Project, and I was reminded again that enjoying something for 2 mins on your plate is never worth the 2 hours of feeling gross from it, either with an energy crash, when you look in the mirror, or the next day when it passes through your system.

So I'm working on a way to have the goof-off week, which I need mentally, without a subsequent lapse in my diet choices. It's tricky and the best way I've found to deal with it is to go back to weighing stuff just like I did in the early stages of the PCP. 100 grams is 100 grams, and having weighed it all out you're not so tempted to go back for seconds, because there's no way that you can rationalize that an extra serving is still somehow 100 grams.

So, send me positive energy, because I'm struggling with the PCP this week!


Corry said...

Gambatte Patrick, know that I'm thinking of you and am sending you good thoughts from Canada. YOU are the REAL Superman remember?? My kids think so and James and I know so! We're proud of you, have a super week and goof off all you want, it's good for the soul!

Anonymous said...

I'm with Corry, Patrick. Life isn't just about maintaining peak condition (and you know this, maaaan). It's also about having fun from time to time. And it's denying your personality to not touch into that playful place.

Eat the PB+J, don't fault yourself, move on + keep rockin' for your sake and the sake of everyone following along at home!

Nate said...

Don't forget that you have come a very long way, maybe your body is telling you that you can relax a little bit, it's ok. Like you said once you goof of if you know you will be very productive after don't sweat it. I'm fully confident you will maintain the PCP. It's never a flat line but has some swells. Ride 'em! And I would say just remmeber what eating habits make you sick, that will help keep you on the right track, and minimize your unpleastant side effects.

Patrick said...

I hear you all about not being hard on myself, but at times you need to be. I can't accept the kind of mental laziness that allowed me to plow through an entire bag of mini chocolate chips cupcakes like I used to. These little slips are the first steps to that.

Anonymous said...

Embrace your inner fat kid, P! That's all I'm saying. And I'm not being callous here, so listen to what I'm saying. Sometimes... take a break, step back + enjoy life as it comes at you. It's not like you to expect 110% all the time for more than 110 days. In fact, it kinda freaks me out. I know, I know, you're not a protein-powder drinking, egg-white eating, work-out fiendaholic and that this is all adding up to a healthy lifestyle (somehow, but at times it does concern me when it seems like you're swinging way too far in the direction of "physical fitness"), but I stand by what I said earlier. Have fun, if you "crack" + have a glass of wine, that does not mean you're in any way less of a man or in lesser than peak condition. You, with your background in Taoism, Buddhism, Eastern Philosophy, you already know all this. I'm just reminding you.

I also don't accept that you're mentally lazy. Physically lazy, you can be, like the rest of us. But mentally lazy? Hardly. You wouldn't be keeping this blog up every day, you wouldn't be working out/taking photos, holding down teaching + teaching + more teaching. Find the balance in this. Come down off the ledge. And enjoy two cookies w/o feeling like you have to scarf down the entire bag. Your inner fat kid will be happy with two and you won't die.

Santa Claus has two cookies and look at him! The picture of health!! *wink*

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel, Patrick. I know how it is to be looked at and have people say, "You are SO not fat! Don't worry about one little thing you eat!" and yet, you still know that eating the crap is simply unnecessary. Others think, a treat! It's okay once in a while. And maybe they are right - but is it really a treat if it only makes you feel sick?

I only am saying this because today I made some dessert-pastry like concoction, which tasted good, but afterwards, did nothing but frustrate me when I had an upset stomach. I didn't feel at all that I had 'treated' myself. Should I have just eaten less? Probably. But I could have instead just had a bunch of fruit, and felt good about not only the food but also how I physically felt.

I was not thinking, "Shit, now I'm gonna be fat." It was more like, "Ew. I just crammed a lot of yuck food in my body and am now feeling the after effects." Maybe this is how you felt too?

Patrick said...

I don't know gwen bell, you don't have my personality type. It's pretty straightforward for you to have two cookies and put the bag down. Not so much for me. And don't act like you haven't seen me polish off an entire bag of Milanos in three minutes.

So it's much easier just to never open or get near the bag.

Anonymous said...

Mmk, you're right!

I still maintain you gotta have fun sometimes, too!! <3

Patrick said...

That's the sticky thing, when I lose control and eat a whole bag of whatever, it's fun for about 5 minutes but is followed by waves of physical and psychological stress, so in the larger scheme, it's not "having fun" at all. Then I'm just left with an empty feeling and asking myself, "why did I just do that?"

Helen said...

Interesting discussion here! It's only a recent thing in our history that we've had so much food that we can afford to think about in terms other than survival.

We mix things up!

- the needs of our ancestral physical bodies - the relatively modern cue to eat as a form of fun - and our honest knowledge of ourselves.

We all know deep inside if we are goofing off in a healthy way or not.

And when we aren't, the last thing you need is to listen to people say 'Oh, but it won't hurt this time'.