Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Day 47, An Apology

This post goes out to every thin person I've ever hung out with, dated, or been related to.

When you complained of the air-conditioner being too strong...
when you wanted to change tables at a restaurant because there was a draft...
when you wanted to get out of the freezer section at the supermarket a little more quickly...
when you cranked up the heat during the winter, so that I had to wear shorts inside...

I secretly thought that you were weak.

Yes, I assumed that some part of your physiology was inferior to mine. I was warm all year round, my hands and feet stayed toasty even on the coldest days. I could wear a T-shirt to check the mail in the snow. Surely I was some kind of superior specimen, blessed with above average circulation, bursting with vitality that warmed even my extremeties. And you were the at the weak end of the gene pool. Yes, you would be the thin, limping wildabeast that the cheetahs encircled. I pitied you, when I wasn't annoyed by your constant demands to turn down the AC.

I apologize, because, now I know that I wasn't stronger, I just had a layer of blubber under my epidermis that constantly trapped heat.

How do I know this? Because now that layer is gone, and I'm freezing my ass off.

It's early May as I write this, and the evenings are still cool, with a nippy breeze coming off the ocean. And I'm still wearing my winter coat, because if that wind hits my skin, I can feel the chill all the way into my bones. And once the chill is in there, I have trouble warming up again.

I make my choices quickly in the freezer section because I get goosebumps.

I've lost about 7% of my body fat, and sometimes I forget that and still dress like I used to. And then I become one of those people who can't stop talking about the temperature.

ME: "It's so cold today isn't it!?"
FRIEND: "Uh, I guess. Warming up in the daytime though..."
ME: "Man, I should've worn a sweater, I just didn't know it would be so windy today."
FRIEND: "Right... so where do you want to go?"
ME: "Let's just get in out of this cold!"
FRIEND: "How about that cafe?"
ME: "Sure, let's just sit far away from the window, ok? It looks drafty."
FRIEND: "Um, ok, Whatever you want, dude."
ME: "I'm going to get something hot to drink, because it's so cold today. Isn't it cold?!"
and so on...

So, thin person, I'm sorry for thinking you were weak. You aren't. I was just fat.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are crackin' me up, P! Of course, I know you must be apologizing to me. Although, I always tried to keep my coldness to myself--I do think I pushed the cart faster in the frozen aisle (remember how mad you used to get at me for pulling the cart when you were pushing it?? Oooh, you hated that, but that's another post...)

Anyway, thanks for the apology, on behalf of at least one of the skinny "cheetah encircled" bitches out here. We raise our glasses to you--you made it!! Welcome to Coldville.